Human adults are the most successful animals on this planet. Yet human babies are the least successful out of all babies on this planet.
Let’s compare:
- Snake babies at birth: Must take care of themselves (bye deadbeat parents). Must hunt for their own food.
- Sea Lion baby at birth: After two weeks begins to learn swimming and fishing. Must avoid sharks looking to f*©k their sh!t up.
- Shark baby at birth: Can swim. Is abandoned by their mother (deadbeat mom). Must hunt for their own food. Must avoid larger predators looking to f*©k their sh!t up.
Wow! Now that’s what I call straight up gangsta! Ok let’s compare them to a human baby:
- Human baby at birth: Cries (a lot). Isn’t potty trained. Can’t feed themselves. Can’t get a job. Cries (a lot). Can’t walk. Can’t do dishes. Can’t talk. Can’t wipe their own butt. Cries (a lot).
Human babies = Epic fail
Well, i’m going to be the exception. i mean look, I’m only 7 weeks old and i’m blogging already. Daddy is already beginning to instill strong work ethics and high standards for me and together we’ve come up with my 3 year gameplan. These are the things I plan to accomplish within my first three years of life…
- Learn to walk
- Potty train
- Speak fluent English, Mandarin and Klingon
- Graduate from college
- Kick Chuck Norris’ ass
- Wrestle an alligator. .. and then eat him… raw
- Start a rap label
- Bench press 100 pounds (with one arm)
- Win a knife fight
Daddy has told me if i don’t accomplish these (easy) tasks then he’ll be disappointed. The possible results after three years are illustrated below…
"DO or DO NOT... there is no try" -Yoda
Ummmmm try a shock collar
no one in the world can beat chuck norris dude
Hi Clara, you can try sign language. Check out this link to see more and also a cool video.
http://www.babies-and-sign-language.com/
My nineteen-month-old twins take their diapers off most of the time — they even get into their soiled diapers and have it around the bed. Everyone continues telling me to potty train them now, the problem my precious isn’t really talking yet. How can I instruct when my baby cannot say to me when it’s toilet time? any suggestioms orhelp?