So here is Daddy’s advice for me for my Early Years. Age [...]]]>

Daddy has lots of advice for me. Lots of it comes from experience. Daddy says old people are a great source of knowlegde from having tons of experience. It sounds like old people are really cool people… except they’re always falling asleep and are really wrinkly.

So here is Daddy’s advice for me for my Early Years.


Age 0-1

• This is the happiest time of your life. No work, no bills, no final exams. You also have two servants to wait on your every need. Enjoy it!

Age 2-4

• The sooner you potty train the better for everyone.
• If anyone ever says to you, “Shhh let’s keep this a secret between only us.” Then make sure you tell Daddy because that person probably just did something bad to you.
• Only food should go in your mouth.
• Not everything you see should be considered food.
• Daddy is always right.
• Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.

Age 5-8

• Old people suck at giving presents to kids. If you get socks as presents just say “thank you” and move on to your next (probably much awesomer) present.
• Starting school might be scary. It’s normal.
• There is no such thing as monsters hiding in your closet or bed. No need to wake up Daddy from his beauty sleep to check for you.
• If you find Mommy and Daddy naked in bed… we are just “practicing showering”.
• You are not getting a pony. So don’t ask.
• You will want to follow Mommy and Daddy everywhere and copy what they do. It’s normal.
• Enjoy your winter, spring and summer vacations from school.
  Daddy is always right.
• Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.

Age 9-13

• If your body is changing then go ask Mommy.
• If you leave a room for more than 5 minutes then turn off the TV and light.
• Only crybabies cry. So no crying.
• If Mommy cries then don’t copy her. She’s a crybaby.
• Enjoy your winter, spring and summer vacations from school.
• Daddy is always right.
• Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.

Stay tuned for the rest:
The it’s-just-a-phase years
The adult years

Low birth weight Less than 5 pounds, 8oz is low birth weight. 3 pounds, 5 oz is considered VERY low birth weight.

Babies with low birth weight have increased risk for serious health problems with lasting disabilities and even death. About 1 [...]]]>

Normal birth weight
A full term baby (37 to 40 weeks) will weigh about 6-9 pounds at birth.

Low birth weight
Less than 5 pounds, 8oz is low birth weight. 3 pounds, 5 oz is considered VERY low birth weight.

Babies with low birth weight have increased risk for serious health problems with lasting disabilities and even death. About 1 in every 12 babies in the US is born with low birth weight
It’s possible to grow up as a normal healthy adult if you’re born with low birth weight but a small percentage of survivors develop mental retardation, learning problems, cerebral palsy and vision/hearing loss.

Causes of low birth weight

• Mommy had premature baby in previous pregnancy.
• The pregnancy is multiples (twins, triplets, etc).
• Young women (especially those under 15 yrs of age) are at greater risk of having low birth weight babies.
• Mother has poor health such as…
  • chronic health problems (high blood pressure, diabetes, etc).
  • smoking.
  • alcohol.
  • drug abuse.
  • infections (especially those involving the uterus).
• Fetus has problems such as…
  • certain viral and parasitic infections (i.e. rubella, chickenpox, etc) which can slow fetal growth.
  • placental problems which can limit the supply of nutrients and blood flow to the fetus.

How to reduce the risk of low birth weight

• Get prenatal care early and often as required by the doctor.
• Work with your doctor to control chronic health issues (high blood pressure, diabetes, etc).
• Get a doctor’s prescription for a multivitamin containing 400 micrograms of folic acid (aka vitamin B9). Folic acid, found mostly in leafy green vegetables like kale and spinach but also orange juice and enriched grains, is very difficult to get enough through food alone so the multivitamin supplement is usually required. Folic acid is essential to reduce the chance your baby will be born with a serious problem with brain and spinal cord development (aka neural tube defect).
• No smoking, alcohol, or drug abuse.
• If you’ve had a premature baby in a prior pregnancy our doctor may provide hormone treatment (progesterone) to reduce the risk of premature birth.

High birth weight

More than 9 lbs, 3 oz for boys (8 lbs, 9 oz for girls) is considered high birth weight,

High birth weight can be caused by genetics (big parents = big baby) and by mommy’s weight gain during pregnancy. However, the most common cause is if Mommy has diabetes (developed before or during the pregnancy). If you have diabetes or develop it during pregnancy then consult your doctor.

High birth weight babies usually don’t have much to worry about. It’ll just be harder for Mommy to push you out. Daddy says he understands this already since he has lots of high birth weight poops. However, if the high birth weight is due to Mommy having diabetes than the baby may have the following problems:

• increased chance of birth defects
• difficulty breathing
• low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
• yellow skin/eyes (jaundice)

Below is a picture of a REAL baby that was born in Malaysia and weighed 19.2 pounds! So if you live in Malaysia, DO NOT open up a buffet! This kid is going to eat you into bankruptcy once he starts eating solid foods. Oh and you probably don’t want to leave any delicious looking pets around him either.

Mercury is released into the air as a byproduct of certain industrial processes. (so I hope you’re enjoying your iPods/cars/computers/etc… you’re adding mercury to the fishes!) The mercury then settles into oceans and lakes where it changes into methylmercury. The methylmercury can travel [...]]]>

What is mercury?
It’s a very toxic metal that should avoid eating/drinking/licking/making love to, etc.

Mercury is released into the air as a byproduct of certain industrial processes. (so I hope you’re enjoying your iPods/cars/computers/etc… you’re adding mercury to the fishes!) The mercury then settles into oceans and lakes where it changes into methylmercury. The methylmercury can travel all over the world so this is a worldwide problem with fish from everywhere in the world being exposed to methylmercury. Once in the water it is absorbed by small fish which are then eaten by bigger fish. Therefore, the oldest and biggest fishes will have the largest accumulation of methylmercury in their bodies (i.e. sharks).

Look at a thermometer. The silver liquid is Mercury. DO NOT break the glass and then eat the mercury. However, if you do, make sure you videotape it and put it on YouTube for us to watch.

What happens if I eat it?
Eating too much mercury/methylmercury can cause adults to experience brain and nervous system problems such as headaches, fatigue, lack of concentration, and numbness in your hands and feet.

For children it can slow development of walking and talking as well as decrease your memory and attention span. Look around you at work and school… yea, that cross-eyed guy eating his boogers might be a mercury baby.

For pregnant women, if Mommy eats any mercury it will be absorbed by the fetus and will damage the baby’s development of his brain and nervous system.

What foods have mercury?
Practically all seafood (fish and shellfish… both freshwater and ocean) has methylmercury.

But seafood is good for you, right?
Yes, seafood is very healthy and nutritious. It’s a low-fat source of protein. The fatty fishes are especially rich in omega-3 fatty acids.

So what do I do?
If you’re an adult male or a non-pregnant adult female (and not planning on being pregnant in the next 6 months) the FDA suggests you can eat up to 14 ounces of low mercury fish (levels of less than 0.5 ppm). The American Heart Association has info on mercury levels for commonly eaten seafood here. You might be able to get away with eating more but that’s a risk that you should evaluate for yourself. Actor Jeremy Piven eats sushi pretty much every day and ended up with mercury poisoning. If you’re really paranoid you can use this mercury calculator to see how much you should eat in a week.

If you’re a woman, observe the same as above. HOWEVER, if you’re planning on getting pregnant within the next 6 months then you should lower your mercury intake (see below) because the mercury will accumulate and stay in your body before slowly dissipating.

If you’re pregnant then you should do the following:

• DO NOT EAT: Shark, swordfish, king mackeral or tilefish. These have the highest concentration of methylmercury.

• EAT UP TO 12 OUNCES A WEEK: Seafood is a healthy part of your unborn baby’s diet. But only eat up to 12 ounces a week (2 average meals) with a variety of fish/shellfish. Unless you like taking care of dumb babies I would suggest only eating shrimp, canned LIGHT tuna, salmon, pollock and catfish. These generally are the lowest methylmercury levels.

• CANNED TUNA: There are two types of canned tuna – Albacore (aka white tuna) and light tuna (aka chunk or chunky). “Albacore” is tuna that is a white color. “Light/chunk/chunky” tuna is just what the industry calls the darker colored tuna. Canned albacore/white tuna generally has more mehtylmercury than canned light tuna. Therefore only eat about 6 ounces (1 average meal) of canned albacore per week. The light/chunk/chunky tuna is usually made with smaller fish (therefore less mehtylmercury) and therefore you can eat up to 12 ounces of this per week.

What if I’m a guy and my wife is pregnant?
You’re ok to continue eating fish/shellfish but your wife should stick to the 12 ounces/week rule.

You should also make sure to eat as much yummy sushi as possible while your wife watches and gets mad because she can’t eat it with you. If you’re really courageous (like Daddy) you should grab some sushi in your chopsticks and do a couple of “flybys” near Mommy’s mouth before it lands in your mouth. For added effect make sure to make airplane noises which get louder the closer you get to Mommy’s mouth.

Why do this? Trust me… Daddy does this to Mommy because this is the only “happy time” he gets while Mommy is pregnant. After the sushi dinner Daddy goes back to being Mommy’s slave (rub my feet! massage my back! do the laundry! drive 50 miles to get my favorite food! go to Africa and dig out a giant diamond for me!)

More info
Remember that methylmercury intake is CUMULATIVE (meaning it adds up) so you should only eat a TOTAL of 12 ounces per week. If you eat fish higher in mercury such as the canned albacore tuna as stated above, which has a weekly maximum intake of 6 ounces per week, then the 12 ounce limit for the week will be lowered.

Check the FDA website here for more info on pregnant women and seafood.

Controversies
All the information presented above is based on guidelines and research studies done by the FDA in the United States.

However, other governments and agencies have differing opinions…
The Mercury Policy group prefers all pregnant women not eat any fatty fish at all.
The Healthy Babies, Healthy Mothers coalition suggest eating MORE than 12 ounces of fatty fish per week.
The Austrailian government seems to have less stringent guidelines on the amount of fish consumption for pregnant women per week.

So with all this conflicting information, who’s right? Unfortunately i don’t have this answer. i have tons of answers due to my awesomeness but this is one topic where i don’t have a definite answer. From my standpoint, due to the lack of solid consensus and no other sources of solid information, I am just going to go with the FDA guidelines:

Pregnant women should not eat shark, swordfish, king mackerel, or tilefish AND should only consume UP TO 12 ounces of fish/shellfish per week (or up to 6 ounces of Albacore canned tuna per week).

Halloween costume 2009

In case you can’t tell it’s a Prisoner’s costume. It’s the best i could do with the limited supplies in here dammit!

Anyways, quite appropriate i think considering i’m basically a prisoner in here. But on May 30, 2010 i’ll be free! (***Daddy’s note***: actually you’ll only be out on “parole”. If [...]]]>

Here’s my costume…

Halloween costume 2009

In case you can’t tell it’s a Prisoner’s costume. It’s the best i could do with the limited supplies in here dammit!

Anyways, quite appropriate i think considering i’m basically a prisoner in here. But on May 30, 2010 i’ll be free! (***Daddy’s note***: actually you’ll only be out on “parole”. If you misbehave or we decide you’re not a good fit for the family (i.e. ugly) then you’re going back in.)

As we all know, little kids are very naïve (read: dumb). So here are some tips to keep your kids safe on Halloween…

Before trick-or-treating:

• Help your kid pick an appropriate and safe costume with bright colors, large eyeholes with enough peripheral vision, fireproof and not too baggy to be a tripping hazard.
• Teach kids basic safety common sense. Don’t enter a stranger’s car/home, look both ways before crossing the street, etc.
• Plan your route ahead of time.

During trick-or-treating:

• Go during daylight hours.
• Adults should go with the kids.
• Preferably only visit houses that you know and trust. Even better is to go trick-or-treating at a mall.

After trick-or-treating:

• Parents should check candy before being eaten.
• Throw away all Good&Plenty, toothbrushes/dental floss, dirty pennies and Dots. Those are some of the WORST Halloween candy ever. Whoever hands these out should be put in jail.

Happy Halloween!