This is a continuation of Daddy’s advice from the it’s-just-a-phase years.






Age 19-22

• Get good grades. Even if that boring Biology class you’re taking now has nothing to do with your career goal of becoming a journalist you may decide later to become a doctor. That Biology class grade will factor in to whether you can get into medical school.
• Again, watch out for boys. Boys will say ANYTHING to hump you.
  Don’t be afraid to change majors in college (assuming you are in college… which I hope you are).
• Don’t take more than 6 years to graduate from college. That’s just a waste of money and time. And sad as well.
• Don’t worry about what major you graduate with. In most cases, your major has no bearing on your future career. Only certain careers require a specific major (i.e. computer programming, engineering).
• Don’t focus too much on your looks… all women are ugly when they get old.
• Study hard and be smart… intelligence never expires.
• Be careful of meeting people on the internet. That 19 year old chick you’re talking to is probably a 45 year perverted guy.
• Do internships. The “working environment” is usually much different than what you imagine.
• If you don’t like waking up early then don’t take early morning classes. You will never attend class and then get a D+.
• Do not assume to know everything. Ok you probably know some stuff but still not a lot.
• Enjoy your winter, spring and summer vacations from school. This is your last chance.
• Daddy is always right.
• Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.

Age 23-30

• Winter, spring and summer vacations are now gone. Sorry. Welcome to full-time working hell. Don’t worry you’ll get used to it. It’s like prison… the first day you’ll be thinking, “F*©K! This is terrible!” But after a year you’ll be thinking, “Well… this ain’t so bad.”
• When looking for a career do you want money or fun? You almost never get both. The fun jobs usually don’t pay well and the un-fun jobs usually do pay well.
• If you want to be rich then start your own business. If you have a boss then that just means your work is making someone else rich.
• It’s ok to be gay. I mean, try not to be but if you are that’s fine. Just don’t tell grandma.
• Start your 401K immediately. Make sure you invest enough to get your company’s matching if they provide it.
• Weddings are expensive and a huge waste of money. But if you don’t ask Daddy to pay for it then shoot for the sky! BTW renting an elephant for a wedding would be pretty cool!
• You will probably change jobs/careers at least a few times. It’s normal.
• Max out your Roth IRA every year.
• Boys are pretty immature. It’s normal. So get used to them burping in your face and farting on your pillow.
• Don’t buy the most expensive house in a neighborhood.
• If you ask Mommy and Daddy for money then make sure you include time for us lecture you about money management.
• You might date someone older than you. That’s normal. But don’t date someone more than 10 years older than you. That’s just gross.
• Never take money out of your 401K or Roth IRA until you retire.
• Do not assume to know everything. You’re getting there but not yet.
• Daddy is always right.
• Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.

Age 30+

• You now realize all of Daddy’s advice was right.
• You will now spend the next 22 years giving advice to your kid who won’t listen. HAHA

Check out the previously posted:
The early years
The it’s-just-a-phase years

This post is a continuation of Daddy’s advice for my Early Years.






Age 14-18

• Watch out for boys. Boys love humping. Boys will hump anything. Boys will say ANYTHING to hump you. Watch out for boys.
• Don’t be scared after watching a horror movie… all the monsters and blood are fake. The monsters in the movie won’t try to kill you. If they wanted to kill you they would have done that a long time ago. Before the movie was even made.
• Don’t watch a romantic movie and then assume that’s how real life is. You’ll just be disappointed.
• Do not get serious with any boyfriends in high school. It’s almost guaranteed that after high school you’ll both probably go to different colleges and never see each other again.
• Get good grades. High school grades are important for going to a good college.
• If you put something online (pictures, gossip, etc) then assume that other people will find it. Eventually, someone WILL find it. And then soon everyone in school will see it. And then the whole world will see it. Therefore, do not put anything embarrassing online.
• Don’t say you love your boyfriend. You’re too young to even know what love is.
• Do not sext.
  Do not spend more than 15 minutes on your hair in the morning before school. You’re going to school not a fashion show.
• If you say you’ve been dating your boyfriend “a really really long time” even though it’s only been two weeks don’t be embarrassed when Mommy and Daddy laugh at you. We just think your naiveté is very cute.
• When Daddy shows you his Walkman from high school you will laugh as you pull out your 18th generation dark-matter powered iPhone with intergalactic satellite connection while getting on your hovercraft to go to your friends house to play Modern Warfare 28 on her Playstation 14 Virtual Reality edition console.
• Plan on going to college. If you don’t plan on going to college then that is fine… as long as you have a very detailed gameplan on what you plan to do and how to make money.
• Don’t get a tattoo. You’re too young to realize if you really want it.
• Don’t believe anything a high school kid tells you about how “not to get pregnant”. Hot tubs and “putting in just the tip” do not work.
• You are not allowed to meet people from the internet.
• High school kids are pretty dumb. Don’t believe anything they say.
• If you start a Facebook account (or whatever your future version of Facebook is) having a lot of friends in your friendslist doesn’t mean anything.
• Mommy and Daddy will make you watch “To Catch A Predator”.
• If you want to do something and you think Mommy and Daddy will say “no” then you’re probably right.
• When you squeeze your pimples some of them will squirt out. Those are cool.
• High school boys never smile in pictures. It’s normal.
• Please don’t take any advice from internet sites that allow random users to post like Yahoo Answers. They are full of retarded answers like these.
• You will probably ignore all of Daddy’s advice.
• Do not assume to know everything. You still know nothing.
• Enjoy your winter, spring and summer vacations from school. They’re almost gone.
• Daddy is always right.
• Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.

Check out the previously posted:
The early years

Coming up next:
The adult years

So in case you don’t know, once you have a kid, both Mommy and Daddy’s lives are ruined. What that means is you have no more freedom or fun because you’ll be spending all your time taking care of the baby. In case you forgot, here’s a refresher on how useless human babies are. Although i’m the exception! i’m not even born yet and I’m already blogging and i even got a letter from President Obama about how awesome i am!

So anyways, back to ruining your life… aside from losing all your free time you also need to take into account the environment. Is your house safe for a baby that has the IQ of a mailbox? Making a house baby-proof means keeping the cleaning chemicals out of reach, removing furniture/tables with sharp corners, and removing that newly installed moat around your house that’s filled with pet sharks (Daddy).

Another thing to keep in mind is securing objects that could fall during an earthquake… like flower vases or heavy decorations sitting on a shelf.

Daddy recommends securing those items with some kind of earthquake putty like this one that he bought at Home Depot. He used this on all small-to-medium sized dangerous things that could fall during an earthquake and it works REALLY well! They have strong adhesion, is easy to use, easy to remove, re-usable, and cheap too!

We live in an area that is known for earthquakes so this is a good $5 investment!