More daily rage (common annoyances we’ve all encountered)! These were NOT done by me. Enjoy!
This last one is ESPECIALLY for Daddy!
Click here for more Daily rage – Part 1
Click here for more Daily rage – Part 2
Click here for more Daily rage – Part 3
Click here for more Daily rage – Part 4
This is a continuation of Daddy’s advice from the it’s-just-a-phase years.
Age 19-22
Get good grades. Even if that boring Biology class you’re taking now has nothing to do with your career goal of becoming a journalist you may decide later to become a doctor. That Biology class grade will factor in to whether you can get into medical school.
Again, watch out for boys. Boys will say ANYTHING to hump you.
Don’t be afraid to change majors in college (assuming you are in college… which I hope you are).
Don’t take more than 6 years to graduate from college. That’s just a waste of money and time. And sad as well.
Don’t worry about what major you graduate with. In most cases, your major has no bearing on your future career. Only certain careers require a specific major (i.e. computer programming, engineering).
Don’t focus too much on your looks… all women are ugly when they get old.
Study hard and be smart… intelligence never expires.
Be careful of meeting people on the internet. That 19 year old chick you’re talking to is probably a 45 year perverted guy.
Do internships. The “working environment” is usually much different than what you imagine.
If you don’t like waking up early then don’t take early morning classes. You will never attend class and then get a D+.
Do not assume to know everything. Ok you probably know some stuff but still not a lot.
Enjoy your winter, spring and summer vacations from school. This is your last chance.
Daddy is always right.
Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.
When looking for a career do you want money or fun? You almost never get both. The fun jobs usually don’t pay well and the un-fun jobs usually do pay well.
If you want to be rich then start your own business. If you have a boss then that just means your work is making someone else rich.
It’s ok to be gay. I mean, try not to be but if you are that’s fine. Just don’t tell grandma.
Start your 401K immediately. Make sure you invest enough to get your company’s matching if they provide it.
Weddings are expensive and a huge waste of money. But if you don’t ask Daddy to pay for it then shoot for the sky! BTW renting an elephant for a wedding would be pretty cool!
You will probably change jobs/careers at least a few times. It’s normal.
Max out your Roth IRA every year.
Boys are pretty immature. It’s normal. So get used to them burping in your face and farting on your pillow.
Don’t buy the most expensive house in a neighborhood.
If you ask Mommy and Daddy for money then make sure you include time for us lecture you about money management.
You might date someone older than you. That’s normal. But don’t date someone more than 10 years older than you. That’s just gross.
Never take money out of your 401K or Roth IRA until you retire.
Do not assume to know everything. You’re getting there but not yet.
Daddy is always right.
Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.
Age 30+
You now realize all of Daddy’s advice was right.
You will now spend the next 22 years giving advice to your kid who won’t listen. HAHA
Check out the previously posted:
The early years
The it’s-just-a-phase years
This post is a continuation of Daddy’s advice for my Early Years.
Age 14-18
Watch out for boys. Boys love humping. Boys will hump anything. Boys will say ANYTHING to hump you. Watch out for boys.
Don’t be scared after watching a horror movie… all the monsters and blood are fake. The monsters in the movie won’t try to kill you. If they wanted to kill you they would have done that a long time ago. Before the movie was even made.
Don’t watch a romantic movie and then assume that’s how real life is. You’ll just be disappointed.
Do not get serious with any boyfriends in high school. It’s almost guaranteed that after high school you’ll both probably go to different colleges and never see each other again.
Get good grades. High school grades are important for going to a good college.
If you put something online (pictures, gossip, etc) then assume that other people will find it. Eventually, someone WILL find it. And then soon everyone in school will see it. And then the whole world will see it. Therefore, do not put anything embarrassing online.
Don’t say you love your boyfriend. You’re too young to even know what love is.
Do not sext.
Do not spend more than 15 minutes on your hair in the morning before school. You’re going to school not a fashion show.
If you say you’ve been dating your boyfriend “a really really long time” even though it’s only been two weeks don’t be embarrassed when Mommy and Daddy laugh at you. We just think your naiveté is very cute.
When Daddy shows you his Walkman from high school you will laugh as you pull out your 18th generation dark-matter powered iPhone with intergalactic satellite connection while getting on your hovercraft to go to your friends house to play Modern Warfare 28 on her Playstation 14 Virtual Reality edition console.
Plan on going to college. If you don’t plan on going to college then that is fine… as long as you have a very detailed gameplan on what you plan to do and how to make money.
Don’t get a tattoo. You’re too young to realize if you really want it.
Don’t believe anything a high school kid tells you about how “not to get pregnant”. Hot tubs and “putting in just the tip” do not work.
You are not allowed to meet people from the internet.
High school kids are pretty dumb. Don’t believe anything they say.
If you start a Facebook account (or whatever your future version of Facebook is) having a lot of friends in your friendslist doesn’t mean anything.
Daddy has lots of advice for me. Lots of it comes from experience. Daddy says old people are a great source of knowlegde from having tons of experience. It sounds like old people are really cool people… except they’re always falling asleep and are really wrinkly.
So here is Daddy’s advice for me for my Early Years.
Age 0-1
This is the happiest time of your life. No work, no bills, no final exams. You also have two servants to wait on your every need. Enjoy it!
Age 2-4
The sooner you potty train the better for everyone.
If anyone ever says to you, “Shhh let’s keep this a secret between only us.” Then make sure you tell Daddy because that person probably just did something bad to you.
Only food should go in your mouth.
Not everything you see should be considered food.
Daddy is always right.
Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.
Age 5-8
Old people suck at giving presents to kids. If you get socks as presents just say “thank you” and move on to your next (probably much awesomer) present.
Starting school might be scary. It’s normal.
There is no such thing as monsters hiding in your closet or bed. No need to wake up Daddy from his beauty sleep to check for you.
If you find Mommy and Daddy naked in bed… we are just “practicing showering”.
You are not getting a pony. So don’t ask.
You will want to follow Mommy and Daddy everywhere and copy what they do. It’s normal.
Enjoy your winter, spring and summer vacations from school.
Daddy is always right.
Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.
Age 9-13
If your body is changing then go ask Mommy.
If you leave a room for more than 5 minutes then turn off the TV and light.
Only crybabies cry. So no crying.
If Mommy cries then don’t copy her. She’s a crybaby.
Enjoy your winter, spring and summer vacations from school.
Daddy is always right.
Mommy is always right… but only when she repeats what Daddy says.
This is definitely good tv viewing for kids (if kept in moderation). Way better than that Baby Einstein crap!
Let your kids watch these Sesame Stree clips on the computer or on TV (by hooking the computer up to the tv). Just make sure to keep an eye on your kid so she doesn’t take control of the mouse and starts exploring the internet by herself.
